Just a little entry...

These days life seems to be a little more complex than just yes or no, right or wrong. I am taking an Ethics class, so my mind is constantly working around what is moral, how can we justify our definition of which moral choices are right and how can I, in particular, strive to be more accepting of differing moral compasses.
I have analysed this idea of morality, of my perception of right and wrong, as not only being subjective to the person that I am (a combination of social constructs, self cultivated ideals, heritage, history..) but being subjective to the person I would like to become. What I might see as the best possible choice, the choice that would benefit me most in the long run. Yes, I acknowledge a sense of egoism, where self-interest (NOT selfishness) is my ultimate goal. And then it must be said that my self-interest decisions usually demand the benefit of others, for my own piece of mind. Is it then fair to only conclude one ethical theory, where either we are all connected by a standard moral code or they differ from culture to nation? Perhaps all these theories can be applied and in degree depending on the individual and the specific circumstance. I reject the idea that it need be either one or the other, that right and wrong are the only choices we can make. What is right for me is not necessarily right for you, for mankind, for peace, for eternal salvation, or for the person I would like to become. It is my belief that when we are faced with a situation, whether the consequences affect only me or a thousand innocent people, we will make the best possible choice, a choice that will be exclusive to that time and that frame of mind.

A journey is only endless when we have failed to take notice.
WHERE IS THE FUNK

Ehh...

Honestly, I'm in the worst mood. I guess it's childish of me to want people to know that, but is it a crime for me to want a little attention? Since after all, I'm always the one asking how your day was or how you are doing. No one ever asks me that if I don't ask first. From now on, I'm not asking first anymore. Fuck it. I'm tired I guess. I don't know. Fuck. I wish I could join a spelling bee and win right now. I need some sort of validation that I'm good enough. God damn, I'm a cry baby. Straight up.

Take care of your palms!

Having a badly bruised palm this week has taught me the importance of the inside of my hand. I've compiled a list of things that I took for granted before but now wish I could do without pain or restraint.

1. Open door knobs
2. High Five someone
3. Reach in and take something out of my pocket
4. Wipe yourself in the restroom!

Ok, so it's not a lot but these are things I do every single day and I've never realized how much I need my palms! I will add more as I experience them.

Beware of Loki

Loki is a woman in white, condemned. Sacrificed her children to save them from hell. All children go to heaven but for Loki, she went straight to hell for what she'd done.

Can you blame a mother with a heart true enough to see the life set before her offspring and prevent it? The pain of knowing what he'd do to them was too much.

She travels around looking for you. She'll find you. Be anything you want. If you're looking for a mother, lover or friend...she will find you. Changing, changing, she's always changing. Expectations are what she's there to meet. If you're pure you will only see a flash of what you miss in life. If your intentions are set in spite or hate...distrust of your fellow man...she will be all you've ever wanted. She will break you down.

Submissive and calm, following orders. She'll comfort you until you feel safe and then start taking. First she'll take every memory you had without her. Your life without misery in it won't exist. She will make you feel pain. All the agony you thought you had, you will beg for relief because you will know what trouble is when she finally leaves you, gasping for a breath of calm.

Controlling and assertive, she'll take your problems away and make you feel like she bears the weight of the world. One day, she will throw it on you to show you what she's carried around and how lazy you really are.

Happiness isn't fleeting. It's not a long off dream. It's the reflection in the mirror that smiles at you every morning and says hello. It's the laugh from a friend that you remember from years before even though the relationship has passed.

Loki will teach you. She will show you how. She will give you what you want. When you say something can't be, she will show you that it never will be. If you want something, she will give it to you as long as you're deserving.

How you might wonder....do you know that you are deserving of Loki's love?

Well....if you have to ask....you already know.

I'd sleep with one eye open....

I am There

I will meet you there, we will rendezvous,
not as much for cause as mutual escape.
Could you be concerned with tales of those I left,
to muse the birth of my display?
Don't touch me there, I cannot bear it,
such unmistakable indifference to what confines me.
Your eyes are hidden by the shutting of my own
and yet I know too well what I will find there.
Just hold me for now, we'll immerse ourselves
in the comfort of warmth and reside in such flair.
When the lights are dimmed to accomodate my faults,
the reason for existence ceases to find roots
in the moments signifying content. I cannot express the enormity
of lifelong renewal, how could you be expected to know
the depth of what irks me when I have lost
all sense of a changed proposal, muted by the very structure
I claim to dismiss. It was never good to dabble in pleasure
tainted by remorse, for what lies in wait of pleasure
should require some self-deserving entity of which I could not assist.
Remember me only as I longed to be in the clutches
of my unforgiving mind. I am only wise enough to recognise that
Change has discounted its foothold. I am there.

.....

I'm kind of pissed at the thought of this
Why did you bother with me?
Was it all for attention, or did i forget to mention
How obvious it all seems to me
That I was your game
You played just the same
As the rest that have all come before you
So I thought I should say
And maybe make your day
That I'm on to you
And you've only been
Fooling yourself.

The Things You said

You said to me in a memory why do I bother with you?
I said cause I love you and there's no one above you
Why would you cast me away?

You said to me there are plenty of fish in the sea
But why would I bother when your love is an ocean
Rolling and suffocating me.

So you went away and here I stayed
Hoping you'd come back to me
But you left me alone like an old broken home

For me there's no other
Not blood, breath or brother
Who will ever take your place

I will hold on to you in a memory or two
And think of you fondly sometimes
While drifting asleep, not awake but not deep

Because when you don't love me back
It goes under attack
And longing is what's taken it's place.