I find you randomly offensive

So in trying to find an Narcotics anonymous group I have learned one thing. People think God solves all problems. I asked a therapist and my Drugs Behavior and Health professor about locations that hosted the meetings and he directed me to the basement of a local church, gave me a day and a time. I went. There was no meeting. It was merely a collection of random strangers socializing for what reason I'm still unaware. I spoke with a man named Paul who told me about some AA meetings but I was uninterested.

When I went back to my professor and told him that there was no meeting there or anywhere in that town he merely replied "I know, but keep going despite the idiosyncracies."

I will not go back but I will find out what they were doing there.

I've realized that despite all religion people only end up where ever someone else believes they have. God is supposed to be all knowing, all seeing, and all powerful but in reality he was just a good illusionist. Get mad at your son? Tell the world that killing him is the only way to save them and they will let you.

This is an excerpt from one of my old journals.

"So what does God matter anyway? We're supposed to believe in a man who only had a son so he could watch other's kill him. God fearing? Fear the watcher in the sky? The boogie man? Repent and it iwill save your soul. If nto then you go to hell. What if my heaven is a lot like hell anyway? What then? Do I just accept the lesser version?

Why exactly are we to follow this when it's just a million people's translation over and over and over...

and each one says they're better than the rest. So can I write my own book?

The seven deadly sing amuse me. Most are common sense that a lot of people lack and go figure, they don't believe in God anyway. But the one's that do...like that guy in the front in the full suit? He thinks that coming here on Sunday's will make it better that he's fucking his neighbors wife.

So really now...do you know if there's a heaven or hell? What if you went by the Good book your whole life and then died only to find out you're just....dead?

That would suck now wouldn't it?

Yup. Big time."

After reading that again I realize that it doesn't matter if either of those places exist outside of a person's mind. After you're dead it doesn't matter if you're worm food. Someone else has placed you in this grand illusion of there being a great place where you're at peace and surrounded by love or they've dismissed you to the most horrid place.

Really now, it only matters after you're dead anyway.